


Winking

by Comedia



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, Rockband AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comedia/pseuds/Comedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is the lead singer of The Normandy; Kaidan is a dedicated fan who follows the band from town to town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winking

Kaidan knows everything about Shepard. He knows the manufacturer of those infamous leather chaps, he knows who inspired the classic “I Should Go” and he knows the name of the reporter Shepard has punched more than once.

He never really thought about it, how he trailed after the band like a happy puppy. It felt natural, not obsessive or crazy. For several months he followed the Normandy from town to town – from country to country – watching Shepard perform.

Every night he’d been in line afterwards.

“Who do I sign it for?” Shepard was a brutal force on stage, but backstage he was normal. Both feet on the table, putting some distance between himself and the crowd. The same man who could roll his hips and do unspeakable things to guitars while performing was now simply leaning back in his chair, smiling lightly and posing for a picture every now and then; a both frightening and alluring contrast.

“Alenko.” For some reason he couldn’t introduce himself as Kaidan. It felt too informal. Shepard had stared at him – his gaze bright and surprisingly gentle – and continued to chew on his pen for a while.

“Okay then. Alenko it is.”

The Normandy had millions of fans. Even if you’d never heard their music you still knew they were out there, kicking ass. There were the crazies that you started to recognize after a while, people like Conrad Verner who just didn’t know when to quit, but Kaidan wasn’t one of them. He didn’t throw his underwear in Shepard’s face, and he didn’t claim to have a fetish for blue to get Liara’s attention. He didn’t even inhale the fumes of their tour bus. But even though he was just a normal guy – at least compared to the other fans – Shepard started to pay attention to him.

“Alenko, right?”

It was maybe the sixth of seventh concert. He actually blushed as that blue gaze held his, one eyebrow raised in amusement. “Ah… yeah. Right.”

“You must have quite the collection by now.”

Soon he didn’t care about the autographs or pictures anymore. He’d make sure to be late for the signings, always being the last to reach the band. They’d talk, never for long, but still, it was… it was something.

It was ridiculous to think that you had something special with a person like Shepard. And yet, when The Normandy released the single “Before Ilos” he couldn’t help but feel it was meant for him. It was how Shepard had insisted to write the lyrics by himself, it was the way he looked at Kaidan when performing it for the first time… it was probably his imagination. At least that’s what he kept telling himself, because to assume that someone like Shepard would care enough to dedicate a song to him, well, that’s just absurd.

Then one day “The Normandy: Collectors Edition” was released and the band announced their retirement. They held one final concert at the Alchera stadium. That night wasn’t about singing along as much as it was feeling the heat one final time. Kaidan was in the front row and Shepard was at the edge of the stage reaching out for the crowd; still at the top of his league – king of the world – as he delivered a performance that’d make history, no doubt.

There would be no autograph signing, there was no backstage pass to get, but Kaidan still went as close as the fences would allow that night. There were people all around him, screaming and crying; it could’ve been in the middle of a warzone. Maybe it was. He felt like the one steady anchor as the world collapsed around him.

The band was getting into the tour bus, waving at the fans one final time. Kaidan never expected much, but Shepard noticed nonetheless.

“Good show, Alenko.”

It wasn’t much, but it was something. In the blink of an eye the world had become a very lifeless place. He cried as he drove home that night.

Some people blamed Joker for everything, said that it was his songwriting that steered The Normandy in the wrong direction, but no one knows. They went out in a blast, and that’s all that matters. Each band member went on to work on their own project, but Kaidan didn’t pay attention. It was over.

He moved on, kind of. He got a nice job and didn’t have time for music or concerts. Not relationships either, not really. Some nights he’d listen to The Normandy, to Shepard, to Before Ilos… he’d remember Shepard saying his name, and he’d feel pathetic.

Shepard returning to the spotlight and starting up a new band came as a surprise. There hadn’t been any hints of him ever returning, yet there he was. A new sound, a new manager, a new everything; Kaidan spent several weeks telling himself that it was bullshit, and then one day he started to pay attention. He just happened to read the articles about the new band, and he just happened to realize they would start their “Revival”-tour close to his hometown. He just happened to get tickets and drive there, so occupied with thoughts of Shepard that he almost crashed the car.

Vakarian had been convinced to return from his side project “The Cleaning Service Experience”. The new member Zaeed had been persuaded to return from retirement and no one was really sure where Legion came from. He always gave puzzling answers during interviews and was apparently brilliant on the synth, so the media never cared to investigate it further.

He’d had a bad feeling about the new band ever since he heard about it, but this was Shepard. The Shepard. He’d been expecting the worst and hoping for the best, and the worst was what he got. The sound was wrong, the lyrics were wrong… the person standing on that stage wasn’t Shepard anymore. It was a puppet of whatever company he’d signed for.

Kaidan stayed for about half an hour, trying desperately to find the old Shepard. He had to be in there, somewhere. But as the songs went by it all seemed empty. Lost. Turning and leaving it all behind was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, even more so as Shepard was always there.

He got hired by old man Anderson at The Alliance Room. It was a bar with a reputation so he didn’t mind waiting tables; the physical strain was a good way of getting emerged in work anyway. He tried not to think about all the useless Shepard trivia he knew. Tried not to think about how this was where The Normandy started out, how Shepard had once been on stage only a few feet away from the tables Kaidan now tended to. And he tried not to faint when Anderson – not without a hint of pride – announced that they’d host a concert. A Shepard one, to be more specific.

Apparently Shepard had decided to retire for good and contacted Anderson, wanting to end his career where it all began. The original members of The Normandy would be by his side too. The posters next to the bar promised “One final time, Shepard will bring the Destruction.”

There was no easy way for him to escape. Anderson wanted everyone at the bar, so it was choosing between losing his job and facing Shepard again. It shouldn’t be a big deal, and he kept telling himself that. It didn’t help.

He hoped to get there before the band, but as he leaves his car a steady beat can already be heard. He instantly recognizes the intro for “Lost In Space” and stay outside for a moment, taking a deep breath. And although he kept telling himself it was just another performer – just another musician to keep people entertained while getting drunk – he can’t deny the energy once he’s in the bar.

The magic’s back. The way Shepard moves on stage, somehow the only one in the spotlight despite the band being right by his side, and the blue of his eyes the center of a storm. There’s something special about the first musician you fall in love with. Their music become your heartbeat, their song your breath, and as the intro to “Beyond Horizon” starts to play Shepard rises from the grave. He’s part of Kaidan once again, it’s a rehearsal, but it’s also more than that. It’s a reunion.

He’s asked to carry a few chairs to the storage and spend maybe a little too long backstage. He barely notices when the music stops playing, and when the door opens it’s too late. He’s face to face with Shepard, only a wooden pall separating them.

Kaidan never spent much time thinking about Shepard’s outfits, but standing close like this it’s almost intrusive. Tight leather chaps with some kind of black tights underneath. The bare chest and the knee-high boots…

“Alenko, right?”

“Heh… yeah, right.”

“Is that your actual name or some kind of alias?” Shepard closes the door and the rest of the world becomes nothing more than muffled noises in the background. Static.

His voice sounds like nothing more than a harsh breath. “It’s my last name. First’s Kaidan.”

In the dark hallway Shepard’s smile is like a flash of lightning, surprising yet breathtaking. “Glad you finally told me. It’s been bugging me forever.” He rubs his neck, not looking directly at Kaidan anymore. “You went to our first Revival show, right?”

He puts the chair down, not trusting himself with holding it any longer. “Yeah.”

“And you walked out on me.”

Deep breaths. “Yeah.”

Shepard is staring directly at him again and Kaidan can’t help but wonder what he looks like to him; dressed in the Alliance Room’s uniform, sweat dripping, and his hair probably messier than it has any right to be. “I’m tearing this place down tonight. Will you stay?”

“I will, yeah.” He sounds much calmer than he actually is. It’s like his mind isn’t even there anymore, like he’s fainted but his body somehow remains standing in place.

“Good. Seems about time we had a heart to heart.” There’s a pause and Shepard seems to be as nervous as Kaidan. It’s like he’s waiting for a protest, for Kaidan to turn and walk away from him again. “See you after the show, then.”

And as Shepard walks away he’s not sure where to look. The leather chaps are custom made, hugging his figure perfectly. 

Kaidan is about to tear his gaze away, no really, any second now, when Shepard turns towards him with a knowing smile, like he’s been feeling Kaidan’s eyes on him the entire time. He’s too stunned to try to explain himself, but Shepard doesn’t seem to care; a wink, and he disappears through the stage door.

He knows everything about Shepard, or so he thought. Despite all the concerts he’s been to and all the vids he’s watched… he’s never seen Shepard wink before.


End file.
